Eroge rule #1: Imouto are not blood-related
Eroge rule #2: Characters can change their attitude every second if it leads to sex
Eroge rule #3: Parents are never in the house
Eroge rule #4: Miko are not virgins, at least, at the end of the game
Eroge rule #5: Girls can always reach orgasm at the same time as the male even when it hurts
Eroge rule #6: If a girl has big boobs, she will definitely give you a titty fuck
Eroge rule #7: If a girl doesn't give you a titty fuck, she is conscious of her small breasts
Eroge rule #8: There's always a male sidekick. He's either an idiot, or mysterious-speaks-in-riddles
Eroge rule #9: There is always at least one attractive female character that cannot be cleared
Eroge rule #10: The main character has gallons of sperm in stock
Eroge rule #11: Food usually has an important role in the story, yet rarely is used in the sex
Eroge rule #12: Loli girls are usually magical girls who are over 500 years of age
Eroge rule #13: Any magical creature's costume design will always be silly
Eroge rule #14: When characters engage in 69, they always orgasm together
Eroge rule #15: Laws of physics are not superior to destiny inscripted by the ignorant author
Eroge rule #16: You always crash into a girl at a corner when you're running
Eroge rule #17: When you fall, your face usually lands on her crotch
Eroge rule #18: There's always a childhood friend
Eroge rule #19: A girl always carries books or papers with her that she'll drop and need your help picking up
Eroge rule #20: When a girl is bad at cooking, she is baaaaaaaaaaaad
Eroge rule #21: True ends usually involve either death, or birth
Eroge rule #22: Sunflowers appear a lot in endings
Eroge rule #23: Girls are always, always up for something "new"
Eroge rule #24: Somehow, your talk will slip to sex -- after 3 or 4 days of in-game time
Eroge rule #25: You somehow end up as the chosen one/hero/etc
Eroge rule #26: You will always accidentally stumble upon the perfect girl. One of the perfect girls
Eroge rule #27: It is very unlikely for there to be any ugly girls at the school you go to
Eroge rule #28: It'll always be high school. Where are the college students?
Eroge rule #29: Even if you're smart and deep thinker, whenever you think you have a choice, you can only think of 3 or less possible turns
Eroge rule #30: The loli is at least 18, of course.
Eroge rule #31: The more a girl complains about having small breasts, the larger they will be. This is also known as the Lina Inverse Effect.
Eroge rule #32: Twins never have the same hair colour
Eroge rule #33: Even consenting girls will beg you to stop
Eroge rule #34: You must always rape the maids -- Except in Tsukihime. That's bad.
Eroge rule #35: No means yes. Yes means rape her
Eroge rule #36: The total weight of everything that makes up a girl is always constant for any particular character. No matter how much they eat they never get fat, and when you undress them the mass of their clothes gets transferred to their breasts.
Eroge rule #37: Everyone is over "18", in multiple grades, and... in High School.
Eroge rule #38: You always get multiple girlfriends
Eroge rule #39: Magical girls or friends of magical girls will have some yuri tendancies.
Eroge rule #40: There always is an exception.
Eroge rule #41: The characters do NOT go to high school or middle school. It just happens that the school is called blah blah-high or blah blah middle
Eroge rule #42: the main character does not cut his front hair
Eroge rule #43: the main character having a face in the CGs is an exception, not the rule.
Eroge rule #44: You have a high chance of running into a female friend if you go out on weekends
Eroge rule #45: You never partake in classes or every day activities. But you might have to take the occasional test.
Eroge rule #46: Aliens' anatomy will always match humans'.
Eroge rule #47: You want identical? Play August games!
Eroge rule #48: Potentially dangerous places, especially the rooftop of the school, are always accessible. Either the door is broken or you have somehow appropriated the key
Eroge rule #49: Everyone can speak Japanese. Foreigners, Aliens, you name it
Eroge rule #50: Your childhood friend is actually your personal servant responsible for making breakfast and lunch for you
Eroge rule #51: Rarely do characters have the same hair color
Eroge rule #52: Bathrooms and/or bathhouses are availible at any time in the forest, desert, or city. Plus they shall all be equiped with peep holes and broken door locks.
Eroge rule #53: School classes exist for two reasons: To sleep, to talk to girls, and as a spot to determine where you'll spend the rest of the day. As for that being two reasons, check to see where learning math is on the list.
Eroge rule #54: Absolute lines of death exist for living things and nonliving things. However, twinkies are immortal thanks to the cream filling hiding their lines.
Eroge rule #55: Public transportation is free and readily available. However, there is a 86% that either you or a girl your are with will be either molested or raped. This explains the willingness of old japanese men to fund public transportation.
Eroge rule #56: Your school consists of over 5,000 different rooms with hundreds of different classes. Unfortunetly, since you slept through the part of class telling you about these other classes, you can expect to see only this one. And you'll see it alot.
Eroge rule #57: You're not a morning person. This is reflected in your ability to spend all night wandering around, plus the fact a girl comes to wake you up every morning. However, thanks to a random genetic multation in your DNA, you have no problem whatsoever waking up on days you have no school.
Eroge rule #58: You always sleep during class.
Eroge rule #59: There is more than 50% chance that your dick (and your body) turn transparant during sex
Eroge rule #60: It suddenly starts raining when the story reaches a serious or a depressing event
Eroge rule #61: Most guardians regain their powers naturally. However, yours needs additional help, much like how eventually your car needs more gas from the service station. Just replace car with girl, gas with semen, and service station with church, deserted hut, or doghouse, and you get the idea.
Eroge rule #62: On occation, you're forced to study for make up exams. This shall always happen at your home, with several girls, and quickly be diverted. And much like Jesus, no matter what you intend to serve your guests, they'll all end up being served sake instead
Eroge rule #63: On days it rains, you can expect that everyone in the school other than you or a girl you know has remembered to bring an umbrella. The girl with a unnaturally large ribbon in her hair is exempt from this rule however, as it doubles as a poncho.
Eroge rule #64: The only sure things in life are death and taxes. However, at no point do you ever pay taxes, and death is a avoidable option. So instead, the only sure things are sex and/or death, depending on which girl you choose.
Eroge rule #65: Much like the phase babies go through where they put everything in their mouth, you are going through a similar phase. Animal, Plant, or Mineral, it doesn't matter. It can be a mermaid, catgirl, or gender changed individual, and you'll try having sex with it.
Eroge rule #66: Characters always use progressive elipses ... / ...... / ......... / ............
Eroge rule #67: There is always someone with a speech impediment.. However, unlike the real world with stuttering, speech impediments in eroge are repetitions of things like kyo! or pyu! and indicate the subject should be institutionalized immediatly.
Eroge rule #68: English classes are not uncommon in your japanese class. However, this English is not understandable by native speakers, and usually will be taught by the most shameful teacher in the school. Instead, you end up private tutoring any or all the girls of your choice.
Eroge rule #69: It doesn't matter where your school is, or what type it is. In the desert, or middle of winter. You'll still end up going to the beach, and one girl will be using a school swim suit.
Eroge rule #70: Eroges take girls who play hard to get to new levels. Some girls would rather die than sleep with you. However, this isn't a problem, as chances are you already killed her once earlier, so now she's fair game.
Eroge rule #71: At some point you can expect to fight a girl who is far more skilled than you are. Naturally uncoordinated and untrained, you will be losing badly, right until you rediscover your family's ancient art of the boob grab and butt pat.
Eroge rule #72: Libraries are a important part of your school life. They are where you go to drink coffee or tea while ditching class, plus they are the source of ammo for the girl who chucks books at your head.
Eroge rule #73: You'll never see a condom or a girl with the pill in a eroge. There is a reason for this. Similar to how the US water supply has floride added to prevent tooth decay, Japan has the same thing. Except they add contraceptives.
Eroge rule #74: Girls don't get pregnant until they leave for about a year or 2 and then show back up with some brat they claim is yours
Eroge rule #75: Dental hygiene is a important consideration for the average japanese schoolgirl. Mouthwash being important, and Listerine hasn't been imported yet, there is an all natural substitute used instead. Your semen.
Eroge rule #76: Children are our future is a truth recognized in Eroge. To be specific, they're your future assuming that 1) You, as a teenager, have sex with the mother, and 2) For various possible reasons, you are either a) in a coma or b) lost/banished for 20 years. At which point you triumphantly return, and promptly have sex with the woman's daughter who has a "unknown" father.
Eroge rule #77: Politeness and etiquette are a important part of japanese culture. Based off the lessons learned in Eroge, if anyone ever gives you a very nice present, or stays late to help you with your homework, the least you can do is tell them "Arigato Gozimasu" and give them a blow job.
Eroge rule #78: Amnesia increases your sex appeal 100-fold.
Eroge rule #79: Romance is a large part of a eroge, and the girl often must be in the mood before you can take any action with her. To tell if she's in the mood, just answer the following question: Is she in the room with you?
Eroge rule #80: According to Einstein's Theory of Relativity, (Eroge = Mikos*Catgirls^2), time flows differently around black holes and Eroges. This can be demonstrated by the observation that no matter what time you start leaving for school in a Eroge, you will end up having to run to avoid being late
Eroge rule #81: Eroge's First Law of Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. This law states, if you are sitting under a tree and a apple falls nearby, a girl named Eve will come along and trade you sex for the apple
Eroge rule #82: Both in Eroges and real life, eventually you will come to simple choices that have a profound impact later on
Eroge rule #83: As soon as your character mentions a long lost friend or family member, he will soon meet that friend in less time that it takes to find your car keys in the morning.
Eroge rule #84: In general, the main character's father will spend about as much time in a Eroge as Paris Hilton does displaying talent in a movie. The character's mother is present based on if she has her own path or not.
Eroge rule #85: After sex, it is common after ejaculation for there to be a refractory period before you can repeat a action. (in this case sex.) This is true in Eroges as well. In Eroges, this period is how long it takes you to click the mouse button.
Eroge rule #86: All games, including Eroges require some certain types of skill. While Long Division and Abstract object analysis are usually not applicable, you can usually achieve great results with Aimless Wandering, and the "Think about What you want to Think About" methods.
Eroge rule #87: In Eroges, minority populations are are slightly less common than the number of hippos seen. However, the population of girls with green red or purple hair will usually range anywhere from 30-80%.
Eroge rule #88: Cooking in Eroge generally has 2 levels: 1) Absolute genius and 2) They might as well add bleach instead of water. Also as a general rule, your character never actually does any cooking or shopping, and subsists on a daily diet of school bread and/or instant ramen (Until a girl starts making you food.)
Eroge rule #89: Your character never actually does any cooking or shopping, and subsists on a daily diet of school bread and/or instant ramen (Until a girl starts making you food.)
Eroge rule #90: In Eroge, you have superpowers that often go unmentioned. In particular, you have the ability to control light, like make things invisible or glow. This is to combat your little known foe Mosaic Man and Black Stripe. Unfortunetly, all these superpowers apply only to your genitals.
Eroge rule #91: Eroge girls never get their period. They frequently have mood swings, make unrational decisions, and/or get violent, but this is normal. The only way to tell for sure that they're not feeling right, is that they don't want to spend time with you.
Eroge rule #92: Eroge is the only correct source for learning CPR. 1st: Check to see if she's breathing by getting within 2" of her lips. 2nd: Remove her swimsuit completely to aid her breathing. 3rd: Upon administering CPR, 4 heart pumps/1breath is not correct. It's actually 2 pumps, 2 feeling her breasts, and then finally the breath, which must also involve tongue. 4) Upon her full recovery 4 seconds later, she'll thank you.
Eroge rule #93: There is actually a horror subsection of Eroge that is too frightening to describe. However, if on some occation you mistake "Bishounen" for a "Bishoujo" Eroge, you will discover the true meaning of horror.
Eroge rule #94: The directions are simple: 1. Put P0n0s A into Vag00 B 2. J-J-Jam it In!!! 3.
? 4. Profit
Eroge rule #95: One rule applicable to real life: For the smart girl's path, generally you must first be tutored by her. This is also why in real life, you should never tutor another guy.
Eroge rule #96: There is no yaoi, only yuri
Eroge rule #97: Eroge characters only go clothes shopping at Warehouse Superstores. This is so they can wear identical clothing day after day for a low low price.
Eroge rule #98: When a girl pulls the sheets off your bed to wake you up, chances are the night before you decided to sleep naked.
Eroge rule #99: It's not uncommon for there to be a unpopular shy girl who wears glasses. This lasts right until the moment she changes to contact lenses, at which point she's suddenly in the race for school idol.